Onion Movie, The (2008)

Rated: R for everything.
Length: 80 minutes, which is about 73 minutes too long.
Grade: DHFF=F
Budget: Perhaps a hundred and fifty bucks?
Box Office: $0 million (Directly released to DVD)

Written by: Todd Hanson and Robert D. Siegel, which so far is the zenith of both their careers.
Directed by: Tom Kuntz and Mike Maguire, which sadly means they have yet to direct a real movie.
Starring: Len Carious, with a few appearances by Steven Seagal.

Originally shelved due to poor focus group testing in 2003, this attempt at adapting the famously irreverent and sarcastic newspaper to the big screen with a series of fake news stories meant to poke fun at American life.

Out of 35 or so vignettes, three or four are funny. The thing just doesn’t work, mostly because it’s not really clever. It would have made an excellent four-minute stand-up routine or even SNL sketch, but over the course of an hour and 20 minutes? Mind-numbing. Oddly, several of the unfunny bits were funnier if you watched the extended versions which didn’t make the final cut. One interview I read said that the producers just couldn’t see how to make the thing work, which was why it was shelved for 5 years. And, had I been a little luckier, would have been lost on that shelf or behind the microwave, even better. Don’t test me on this one, and don’t watch this movie.

No comments: